The Michigan State University Joke List ...

  • What do you call an MSU student who gets into UofM's medical school?
    A cadaver

  • A Michigan State fans asks a Michigan grad, "Doesn't it suck not having a mascot?"
    The man replies "It's better than having one that wears a dress."

  • What does an MSU grad call someone from the University of Michigan?

  • What is the only sign of relief after driving through East Lansing?
    "Ann Arbor 62 miles"

  • What do students from MSU and UofM have in common?
    They were both accepted into MSU.

  • (A variation on the same theme...) Did you hear about the student who flunked out of UofM and then went to MSU?
    He raised the standards of both schools.

  • What's the difference between Michigan State and cereal?
    Cereal is always in a bowl!

  • How do you keep a MSU athlete from masturbating?
    Paint his manhood maize and blue...he'll never beat it again!

  • Top Ten Courses at MSU
    10. Philosophy: Why Don't They Spell It with an "F"?
    9. Prelaw Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States
    8. Sandwich Making: A Project Course
    7. Hand-Shadow Workshop
    6. Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Friend
    5. Cliff's Notes vs. Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics
    4. Hydraulic Principles of the Keg
    3. The College Classroom: A Simulation
    2. ABC's: An Extended Version
    1. Your Ass from a Hole in the Ground: A Comparative Study

  • A guy walks into a bar ...
    and says, "Hey barkeep, did you ever hear the one about the Michigan State Spartans?" Four huge men stand up and approach the man. One of them says, "We play football at MSU, you wanna tell that joke to us?" The guy replies, "What? And have to explain it four times?"

  • Little Johnny runs up to his mother ...
    and says, "Mommy, mommy! I want to be a Spartan when I grow up!"
    Mom answers, "Now Johnny, you know you can't do both."

  • What do you get when you drive slowly thru East Lansing?
    A degree from MSU.

  • What's the best thing to come out of Lansing?
    Interstate 69

  • Why do MSU men have it so good?
    When the research students are done studying the cows, the jocks can date them!

  • How do you keep a Spartan out of your yard?
    Put up a goal post!

  • This guy went into an East Lansing store and told the clerk:
    "I want a green outfit. I want a green jacket and green slacks. I want a green shirt and tie. I want green shoes and socks".

    Clerk: "Are you a Michigan State graduate?"

    Guy: "Yes, I am. How did you know?"

    Clerk: "Because this is a hardware store."

If you would like to add your own favorite to this list, send it along to me at and I'll consider it.
Let's try to keep these about MSU or East Lansing or Spartans. Recycled generic ethnic jokes won't make it.

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This page is maintained by Ryan Simmons, at .
Updated in January 2008.