Living In Michigan

Dear Diary,

August 12
Moved to our new home in Michigan. It is so beautiful here. The views are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. I love it here.

October 14
Michigan is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turning all the shades of red, gold and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they are the most wonderful animals on Earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.

November 15
Deer season starts today. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

December 2
It snowed last night! Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snow-plow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Michigan.

December 12
More snow last night. I love it. The snow-plow did his trick again to the driveway. But I love it here.

December 19
More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. I'm totally exhausted from shoveling. Darn snow-plow.

December 22
More of the white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on both hands from shoveling. I think the snow-plow hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Idiot!

December 25
Merry Stinking Christmas! More friggin snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives that snow-plow, I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the goddam ice.

December 27
More white shit last night. Been inside for 3 days except for shoveling out the driveway after that snow-plow goes through every time. Can't go anywhere, car's stuck in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10" of the shit again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10" is?!

December 28
Fucking weatherman was wrong. We got 34" of the white shit this time. At this rate, it won't melt before next summer. The snow-plow got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken 6 shovels already shoveling all the shit he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one over his fucking head.

January 4
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $800 damage to the car. Those fucking beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

February 10
Blew out a fucking tire on my car yesterday when I hit a pothole the size of Lake Michigan! Bent the rim and threw the whole damn front end out of alignment. The garage can't fix it until next week because they have too many other cars waiting ahead of me!

April 13
Can you believe we're still getting more fucking snow?!! It's springtime for chrissakes!! The flowers are already blooming! Where's that snow shovel?

May 3
Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from all that fucking salt they put all over the road!

May 10
Moved to Florida. Can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken state of Michigan.

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This page is maintained by Ryan Simmons, at .
Updated in January 2002